Shadows Across America Read online

  He spoke to her as though she’d overlooked something important. “But why do you think I’d sell you out? They’re just white pieces of shit.”

  His gleaming smile only increased her doubts.

  When Ari got back, Michelle was waiting for her. When Michelle saw her, she jumped, trying to show joy and happiness, but it didn’t work. Her happiness was forced and her expression empty.

  “She’s alive, Ari! She’s alive and well. She’s alive.”

  Santiago, Henrique’s friend, had told Michelle that they had Michi and another girl in an old hospital that no one was allowed into. There was general consternation about the future of their leader, so much so that several families had fled. He also told her the best day to make their raid. Ari allowed herself to be hugged and told her about her meeting with Caimão. It seemed as though they had plenty to celebrate, and Michelle went downstairs to get a cake. Still, they were both more comfortable while she was in the store, when they were each alone and didn’t have to pretend. Ari felt worse for Michelle than herself. Why couldn’t she enjoy it? Had she been through too much to accept that something good had happened? And what counted as good after all they’d been through? Michelle came back and set out some candles as though it were someone’s birthday. A lonely birthday in a neutral space. Ari was encouraged by her willingness to make an effort to continue with the act: loneliness was even worse when you were with someone.

  The false celebration lasted until Michelle went to bed, and Ari called Ethan to let him know about the latest developments. His admiring praise was a comfort. It was her progress he was praising, not the news. And Ari was encouraged by this return to reality, the fact that they could now plan the next step. They didn’t have time for hope; it was a luxury they couldn’t afford. The only thing that mattered was the next few days. Once they’d confirmed the date, Ethan bought his ticket without thinking twice about whether it was a good idea for him to come back. Ari didn’t raise any objections.

  Santiago, Henrique’s friend, stopped on his return journey to help a Toyota that appeared to have broken down. He was promptly knocked out and abducted. Several hours later, the Jackal met Thiago in his suite.

  “So? Who did he meet? What did he want?”

  “He met one of the grandsons, one of the ones they used as an inseminator. He’s a cripple now.”

  “I don’t want his life story. Why did he go to see him?”

  “It seems that they see each other quite regularly—they’re old friends.”

  “I imagine you required him to be a bit more creative.”

  “Don’t you know it. He didn’t look that tough when we took him.”

  “How long did he hold out?”

  “Almost three hours. He was still breathing when I left, but he wasn’t going to last much longer.”

  “Well then, a true believer. See how well they’re trained?”

  “Oh, it wasn’t that bad. It’s just that sometimes the truth can be rather surprising.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  “Well, in the end it seems that it had nothing to do with the old man. One of the cripple’s old girlfriends has apparently come looking for her daughter. She’s one of the girls they’re still holding on to. The cripple wants to help the mother get her daughter back.”

  “Don’t tell me that you believed that.”

  “My initial reaction was the same as yours. The problem for him was that it was the first thing he said, before we’d even started. Who’s going to believe something like that? But that’s how stupid it was.”

  The Jackal laughed. “You’re kidding.”

  “No. And he was telling the truth. In the end, once he’d lost his eyes, we had to believe him. It seems that the lady wants to break into the colony to rescue her. He told her about the security measures and told them to go during the anniversary celebrations.”

  “Hahaha! That’s priceless.” The Jackal cackled. “It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. She’s really going for the daughter?” He paused to think. “She might be doing us a favor. It seems as good a day as any. They’re trying my patience with their internal negotiations. We need to draw a line somewhere. The celebration is a good time—resistance will be at a minimum, and we’ll be able to take him discreetly while they’re distracted by their banquet and the guards are busy with the intruders. Tell the colonists about the raid. They’ll thank us. Also, put the cripple under surveillance. I want to know when he shits, everything. Don’t let them complain that we haven’t made it easy for them.”

  The next day, Michelle went back to see Henrique and thank him again. She realized that their conversations were the highlight of his day. In his lonely eyes, eyes that had once been her whole life, she saw that he had made peace with his past. She started going back every day. They spent more and more time together, and her affection for him seemed to soothe an inner void that had been tormenting her. With physical attraction and personal interests out of the equation, she found that a purer relationship had bloomed. For the first time she felt free with a man without having to thank him or reject him, without fear of abuse or being chased. In contrast to the self-help books she’d read hungrily over the years, Henrique didn’t offer up any answers or solutions; his only motivations were what she saw right in front of her. Nothing was conspiring for or against her. Nothing promised to give her what she needed. In Henrique she found a soul even more lost than she was, and his company kept her in a continuous present. His affection made sense to her for the time being. Nothing else existed. She even planned to introduce Michi to him without telling her who he was. The girl had a right to meet her father and maybe in the future to know the whole truth so she could decide for herself.

  The final days before the raid were tense and dull; they seemed both to drag on and go by in a flash. Ethan arrived the morning before the agreed-upon date. They rented a car to go pick him up, but after her experience at the hospital, Michelle decided not to go, and Ari made no effort to persuade her. His flight was delayed, and she wandered through arrivals for an hour before a crowd of passengers surged out through the automatic doors. Then she saw Ethan; he was still walking with a pronounced limp, and his face was still covered in scars. When Ari went over to take his bag, he was so distracted by the worry in her eyes that he forgot to greet her.

  “I’ve made a surprisingly fast recovery. With a medical girdle I can run and jump without any trouble—it keeps everything compressed. It’s just a pinprick.” Then he looked around. “Where’s Michelle?”

  “She decided not to come.”

  They stood awkwardly facing each other without touching. Then, after a few absurd moments, he stammered something and hugged her while she inhaled. She just wanted to smell him. It was Ethan. Ari was in denial about how much it reassured her to know that he was coming with her on the raid. They went straight to the last meeting before the operation, and on the way she shared her fears about whether Caimão and 4:20 could be trusted.

  Caimão met them in his warehouse, giving Ethan a friendly smile and a pleasant welcome. He was the alpha male, but he didn’t regard the intruder as a threat. 4:20 kept to a safe distance. Ethan tried to examine them and detect whatever might be hiding behind their beaming smiles, but all he could see was the Latin spark, a front they had long perfected. The two friends were an enigma. Caimão laid out several aerial images of the area and laughed.

  “It’s all a lot easier with Google Maps. The property is about a mile wide and four long, but we’re only interested in a small part of it. The rest is crops and barns. The road leads to a wall with surveillance cameras, but the rest of the perimeter, which is pure jungle, is fenced off with triple barbed wire and cement posts every four feet. It’s not even electrified. It’s more a deterrent for livestock and casual passersby. I don’t think it’ll give us any trouble.” He winked at 4:20. “We’ve broken into far more heavily fortified places.”

  “What about guards and staff?” Ethan said.

&n
bsp; “That’s the good part. You need to be careful of these people, my friends. I spoke to an old army captain, and he told me that they were once very mean. Even the army didn’t mess with them. He said that even if a soldier disappeared, nothing would happen. That was how close they were to the high command. But that was before any of us were born. Now it seems more like a front they put on, scaring people with their tales of long ago. They say that today there are just over fifty colonists living there, compared to a thousand at its peak, and about fifteen have fled in the past month. Half of the cabins are uninhabited. I don’t know what security staff they have, but they can’t monitor the entire perimeter.”

  He highlighted several points on the satellite images. “This is the main entrance from the road. It heads right to the center, where the social buildings are, and that esplanade on the right is where they’ll hold their anniversary celebration. I don’t know what these houses are, but the old hospital is the building at the back, about half a mile to the left. That’s very good for us. We can enter here, in this forested area. These sheds come before the hospital.”

  “For storage maybe?”

  “I don’t know, but they’re a good hiding place. We can check out the area before going in. I don’t think we’ll see anyone, but it would be good to have a secure hideout. I imagine there’ll be a couple of guards—nothing we can’t handle. The most difficult part will be getting back with the package.”

  “What if it’s not in the hospital?”

  “That’s the information you gave us, man,” Caimão said with a laugh. “You tell us. 4:20 and I have no problem improvising.” They bumped fists. “The most important part is getting around so we can come in from behind, from the jungle. If we pass through the town or go by the road, they’ll be ready for us before we’ve even got close. Their neighbors have been living with them for half a century; they see everything. Which is funny because that’s where we got our information too. It’s easier to buy someone’s conscience than their silence.”

  These words echoed around Ethan’s head on their way back. He shared his doubts with Ari. He had no idea who they were working with. Ari stopped the car in front of the building and gave him the keys to the apartment.

  “It’s number three. I don’t know if Michelle’s still there or not. I’m going with them to check on the weaponry, but I need you to rest.”

  “You’re going? Now? You can’t go!”

  Ari was frustrated by yet another example of his lack of sensitivity; it was almost endearing.

  Ethan was still confused and upset. “I don’t know. I was thinking . . . over the past few days, I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to talk . . . to you . . .”

  “We’ll have plenty of time to talk. I’ll still be living in the same city.”

  “What about working together? Have you thought about it?”

  “Yes. And no. That’s not going to happen, and you know it. I’ve thought hard about it, and it’s over. That world is over for me, Ethan. It’s in the past. I want to go on studying and get my degree.”

  “I’m sorry. I fucked it all up.”

  “After everything I’ve seen, I can’t blame you. It all seemed so ridiculous, but in the end you were right. I don’t know what to think. I haven’t had time to consider it. I think I just don’t understand. I don’t know, Ethan; I don’t know what we’re doing, but we need to see it through, and I don’t think we can talk about anything else before we do. In fact, now I think it’s been a good thing. It was good for us—it helped us to get our lives in order.”

  “But I . . . so we’re done?”

  Ari shrugged. “What do I know? You never know what tomorrow might bring.”

  As Ethan walked up the stairs, his nerves grew tense at the prospect of having to confront Michelle again. Suddenly, he realized that Ari had left him alone on purpose. He was as stupid as she said he was.

  On the other side of the door, Michelle was waiting for him, and for the first time ever, she was more nervous than he was. But Ethan opened the door with his sheepish little boy’s look, and before she could say a word, he was looking down in shame.

  “I . . . behaved badly, Michelle. I know I hurt you, but it wasn’t because of what happened. It wasn’t because of . . . when Ari told me, I . . . was very weak and wanted to tell you, but she said that I wasn’t strong enough, that I wouldn’t be able to, and . . . I couldn’t even look you in the eye.”

  Michelle let him talk and waited for him to finish. She felt a weight in the pit of her stomach melt away with this strange apology. It was like a gift. She went over and stroked his scars maternally. “It doesn’t matter. I never thanked you for everything, Ethan. In all these years.”

  “I know it was terrible not to say anything. I know—”

  Michelle quieted him. She didn’t care. “It’s all OK. You always treated me better than I deserved. I know that. Everything I said was garbage. If I regret anything, it’s taking Michi away from you. She didn’t deserve to lose you. You were the only father she ever had.”

  Ethan moved toward her, choking up. He didn’t know what to say. He never knew when he was with Michelle. He leaned on her shoulder and took her hand. A loud motorcycle rumbled down the street. She squeezed and stroked his hand. He felt as though he were miles away. Michelle gave herself up to the nostalgia of regret, the ancient wound caused by everything she’d left behind. An old memory came to her. She didn’t know if it was real or not or an echo of the intimacy that might have been. A truth a million miles away from her present situation. A need for affection and trust. A refuge. Just like back then. Then she looked at herself: nothing from that time was left.

  When Ari came back, they had a long discussion over the sleeping arrangements. Michelle was determined to sleep on the sofa to give Ethan her bed. He and Ari needed their sleep. Ethan didn’t argue. He went into the bedroom, changed, and fell onto the bed, sure that sleep would come, but he was distracted by Michelle’s smell, which was on everything. He saw her sitting next to him hours before and wondered if he should have made a move. If she had been expecting him to. He was bombarded by thousands of jumbled-up memories. He saw her cinnamon skin, the small, curvy body that was so familiar to him. He knew that nothing was over, much as he might want it to be. Everything was still undecided among the three of them.

  In the morning, when Ari and Ethan came into the kitchen, Michelle was making a breakfast no one would eat. Out of a superstition they refused to recognize, they avoided saying goodbye, and she thanked them with all her soul.

  “I’ll see you in a few hours. Good luck—everything’s going to be fine.”

  “What are you going to do until we get back?” Ari asked.

  “I’ll be with Henrique. I find his company comforting.”

  For the first time, Ari hugged her. “I’m going to get that girl out of there if I have to go to hell and back.”

  Michelle watched the exhaust belched out by the old Suzuki Santana that drove off with the four raiders inside. She had been embarrassed to admit that her activities with Henrique would consist of praying, staying close to him in the conviction that their combined faith would help them from afar. It was what she’d been taught as a child.

  Michelle got to the door of his apartment, which was always open even though the neighborhood was so unsafe. As usual, she called out a greeting before opening it farther, waiting for Henrique to reply. The TV was on, but when she went in, she didn’t find him sitting on the table.

  “Henrique?”

  Michelle immediately sensed that something was wrong. She peered through the doorway and saw a shape lying on the cot. Knowing how poor his health was, it scared her to see him lying so still. She went to him, praying that fate hadn’t played such a cruel trick, just when she needed him. She kept on saying his name, but he didn’t react. As she entered the tiny bedroom, she grew more and more worried. Once her eyes had adapted to the light, she clearly saw a dark stain on the sheets underneath Henrique’s unmoving
form. She went over, pleading with him to answer, and put her hand on his shoulder. She knew what had happened already, but she still had to turn him over to get a better look. She pulled on his body, which flipped like a rag doll. It was still warm but stiffening fast. His throat had been slit from ear to ear.

  Heartbroken, Michelle began to cry, stroking his cheek. “Oh, I hope you’ve found peace. Please, Jesus, forgive him.”

  A chair scraped on the floor behind her. She turned around to see a Germanic-looking man smiling scornfully. He spoke in broken Spanish. “The mother?”

  Michelle knew that her fate was sealed, but she wasn’t going to give in just like that. She jumped and ran, taking advantage of the fact that the man was sitting down. Then she pushed the table in his way and set out into the hall before he could reach her. She headed outside but came up against another body that had been lying in wait. The Jackal, still sitting down, checked his watch while Thiago covered her mouth with a hand. Michelle tried to turn around and felt the blade at her back.

  Thiago pushed hard. “Too late.”

  The knife went into her flesh, and blood began to spurt between his fingers. The knife pierced her stomach, and Michelle couldn’t make a sound. The man withdrew it and then stabbed again at her lungs. He let her go, and she collapsed to the floor. He nodded to the Jackal. “They’ve left already,” he said in a callous tone.

  “It’s time—we should go.”

  But Michelle hadn’t died. To the murderers’ surprise she got up on her knees and dragged herself to the door, mumbling a warning only she could hear. “Ethan, be careful, Ethan . . .”

  They watched her in amazement and curiosity, wondering where she got the strength to keep moving. It was almost superhuman. Thiago made to finish her off, but the Jackal stopped him. Michelle grabbed the door handle, pushed against the wall with her shoulder, and, leaning hard, got to her feet. She rummaged through her handbag, covering it in blood, and took out her phone, but her fingers left a red smear on the touch screen. She collapsed again as she was trying to unlock it and stared at the door handle as though it was a million miles away. She didn’t notice that the phone had fallen from her hands, carried along in the flow of her own blood, or hear how she wheezed in a high-pitched tone with each breath, the bubbles rising and popping in her shredded lungs. Michelle thought she’d managed to dial the number and mumbled so quietly only she could hear, repeating: “Ethan . . . Ethan . . . Ari . . .”